A sketch Mandy had recently finished and had hanging on her wall, an angel.
Friday May 20th will be remembered forever. That morning Ben left on an early flight out to Las Vegas for a podiatry conference. I knew it would be a long weekend apart. That night we had the opportunity to attend the baptism of a wonderful family friend, Jared. It was on the drive home from the church that I received the phone call. Ben's sister Mandy had passed. It was sudden and relatively unexpected. From the young age of 2 she had been diagnosed with diabetes. She suffered with arthritis as well. For as long as I have know Mandy she has always been in pain, in one form or another.
I still remember the first time I met Mand. We were both living in Provo at the time. I had been hanging out with Ben more steadily (but not dating yet). It was a Spring day and she needed Ben to take her to run some errands (Deseret First Bank in Orem...on State St.). He had told me that he didn't know what to expect. I offered her the front seat, she declined and sat in the back of the white blazer. Later Ben told me that was a big deal :) I remember going on a group date that fall up in SLC. We went up to attend a devotional in the Conference Center. It was Ben & I, Liz & Stephan, and Mandy & a boy who I can't remember now. He was the last one we picked up. Mandy went around the car giving introductions..."This is Liz and her boyfriend Stephan, this is Ben and his...(awkward pause...we still weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend) Becca." I'm sure I turned beet red!
Mandy and I had several common threads. We were both diabetic. I give Mandy credit for preparing Ben to marry me. I had always feared and wondered if someone would be accepting of my diabetes and some of the "perks" that come with it. Random mood swings as my blood sugar plummets suddenly. He knew about it, he was already aware. It was actually how Ben and I first started really talking. We were at a mutual "party" and he asked if I wanted a drink. I declined and he teased, "it's sugar free." At that time he had NO idea I was diabetic. I am grateful for the exposure to diabetes Ben had. I was touched as he told me stories about taking care of her. This was the man I was looking for. Thank you Mandy!
Mandy's death was sudden. We quickly had to get Ben home from Vegas. Saturday he flew back to Texas and Sunday morning we left for the 2 day drive to Utah. The trip was relatively uneventful except for Isaac getting car sick while we drove through the beautiful Rocky Mountains. At one point I was pulling t-shirts out of my bag for him to barf in. It was a VERY helpless feeling being so far from family. Arriving in Bountiful was such a relief...for many reasons. We got there Monday evening. It was therapeutic to hug and cry, to be surrounded by those we loved.
Tuesday morning Mom, Liz, Emily, Anna, and I went down to Russon's to get Mandy ready. I was worried. To be honest I was scared. I sat in the corner and watched. With all the love of a family, the girls dressed and got her ready. It was special. It was solemn. And at moments...uncontrollable laughter.
That evening we had the viewing. It started at 4 and ended at 8:30. My feet were KILLING me. 5 hours. It was an amazing out pouring of love. It was special. Very special. I had my moments, but nothing was harder than seeing McKay come into the room. I don't know how but he understood. He carried his Lightening McQueen with him during the family viewing. Right before he left, he walked to the casket and placed his McQueen inside. The grandmas reassured him that he didn't need to do that. But, he insisted that mommy needed his car. It was tender. There were a lot of tender moments.
After the viewing we had a chance to go out to eat with Spencer, Hollie, and Anna. It was wonderful to sit, eat, and laugh together. The laughter made life seem manageable.
Wednesday was another viewing and the services. Again it was wonderful to hear all the special memories and thoughts people shared about Mandy. Ben gave the family prayer and they closed the casket. It was peaceful and devastating all at the same time. The actual service was something never to be forgotten. The speakers spoke of the doctrine of the church, and the peace and guidance that be there. They spoke of the realness and closeness of angels. How McKay and Mandy will always be together. We sang Jesus, Lover of my Soul. The term sing really doesn't apply.
After, we drove to the Bountiful cemetery. Ben's older brother Spencer dedicated the grave. It was a beautiful day. The sun was out. The flowers everywhere were beautiful. There was so much family around. It was hard, but at the same time I think we all felt peace. I know I did. I felt peace that she was free from all the pain and mortal trials that she faced. Although no one can replace a mother, McKay will be extremely loved and cared for. There is no doubt that Mandy was suppose to have him. He is a very special little boy.
I wish it were under different circumstances, but seeing family was so good. It had been almost two years since we had made it back to Utah. This was a reminder of what is really important in life. I think we all had a feeling of regret in one way or another. I am grateful for the gospel and the knowledge that we have of the Plan of Salvation. It might not be for a long time, but I know we will see Mandy again. That if we keep our covenants we can all be an eternal family.
Mandy, we love you.
After, we drove to the Bountiful cemetery. Ben's older brother Spencer dedicated the grave. It was a beautiful day. The sun was out. The flowers everywhere were beautiful. There was so much family around. It was hard, but at the same time I think we all felt peace. I know I did. I felt peace that she was free from all the pain and mortal trials that she faced. Although no one can replace a mother, McKay will be extremely loved and cared for. There is no doubt that Mandy was suppose to have him. He is a very special little boy.
I wish it were under different circumstances, but seeing family was so good. It had been almost two years since we had made it back to Utah. This was a reminder of what is really important in life. I think we all had a feeling of regret in one way or another. I am grateful for the gospel and the knowledge that we have of the Plan of Salvation. It might not be for a long time, but I know we will see Mandy again. That if we keep our covenants we can all be an eternal family.
Mandy, we love you.
Savanah, Abbie, & Callie...Tuesday at the family viewing
Ben's youngest brother Chris aka Chuck, looking sharp.
Spencer, John, and Ben. Waiting at the cemetery as pallbearers.
McKay looking on.
Grandma & Grandpa Hayes
Sweet McKay
Father & Sons...Spencer, Dad, & Ben...one of my favorite pictures.
It was such a beautiful day. The rain stopped that day and the sun was out. It was perfect. A family picture of those at the cemetery, except for Liz & clan.
Mom and Dad
One of the many, many beautiful flower arrangements that came. They were every where. The house smelled heavenly.
