Two nights ago was one of those built up cry sessions. Not a pretty cry...above and beyond ugly cry. It was the kind of cry you muffle with a pillow so none of the neighbors call 911. Yep it was THAT special. It wasn't any one thing in particular just lots of built up things...
- I totally feel verbally and physically abused by my children. (coming and pounding your fists into my stomach, bottom, or thigh, does NOT feel good...no matter how big of a smile you give me while you do it)
- Dinner does NOT M.A.G.I.C.A.L.L.Y. appear on the table at 5:30
- ...in that case...nor does the laundry MAGICALLY get washed, folded, and put away
- or the sink full of dishes that MAGICALLY disappear each day...etc, etc.
- I hate when I am doing something fun for & with my kids and I get rewarded with a major tantrum (from the kid old enough to know better) out in public
- When they come home from school and instantly want to know what "FUN" thing we are doing and the immediate complaint that the after school snack is lame and they want candy (seriously I just need to throw all leftover candy away...that will take care of it)
- NO I do NOT like the squeaker toy literally in my face being squeezed over and over
- Or the fact that I feel like I couldn't maintain a intellectual conversation unless it was about Vampires, coupons, diapers, potty training, Team Umizoomi, or The Biggest Loser. Let alone formulate a grammatically correct sentence (goodbye higher education)
I was telling a friend though that I feel frustrated when I feel this way. I have a lot to be grateful for...I get to stay at home with my kids, they are happy & healthy, we have a roof over our heads, food on the table, heat, safe cars to drive, and family that love us, to name a few. But despite that some days are still really hard. It helps me to vocalize this. To realize that despite what my husband my think I am NORMAL (or whatever that is). This is part of it, the good & bad. And although I feel this way at times, I still love my family and want to keep being their mom/wife (despite the occasional fantasy's of running away) :)
10 comments:
Lady, I feel your pain. I think every Mom - stay at home or not - feels this way occasionally (or maybe a little more often than that). I can tell you that as the kids get older, it does get a little better. I know that for me, sometimes I just have to grab a book, lock the bedroom door behind me, and put in some earplugs.
Your post is making me cry. Totally know how all that feels, thanks for sharing with all of us.... And I wish I lived close by so I could come and take your kids for an hour or two :-) I love you Becca!
oh man girly, I soooo no how you feel!, some days I hide out in the coat closet, with a coke in one hand and a pillow in the other. the coke is for calming me down and the pillow is for the screaming I do so that my neighbors don't think I beat my children and so my kids don't think I'm psycho and an "intelligent conversation?" what the heck is that anymore? have the time I feel totally illiterate and dyslexic...I cannot formulate a sentence in a conversation to save my life....hang in there! and when the "good days" come around, ya know the days when all is right and you think to yourself "sheesh that was a great day", just remember those good days on the bad ones :)
see what I mean???...."have the time" "*half* the time" LOL
I really love that you wrote this and that you are so honest about it, because I TOTALLY know how you feel. And it helps so much to realize that there are other moms who feel this way. This week seems even worse than normal, maybe it is the lull between Halloween and Thanksgiving or something. My kids have been driving me crazy lately. Sometimes I think that if I have to think of another "fun" thing to do I'm going to go insane. The worst is when I feel like I've given my kids a great day and all they want to know is what I'm going to do for them next. I think motherhood is one of the strongest "refiner's fires" that Heavenly Father has to offer :)
Amen sister!! That is the life of a mom! Unfortunately for us, as the kids get older it doesn't necessarily get better, just different. The topics of conversation change a little (no diapers thank heaven) and the kids will try different forms of abuse to get their way but there are still days that we feel run over. Hang in there!! Take the sunny days and literally bask in them. They will sustain you through the overcast cloudy ones.
All so well put. I feel EXACTLY the same way sometimes but never could have expressed that into words so clearly or accurately. I was laughing at the higher education comment because I felt very dumb helping in first grade today! But I feel exactly the same because I wouldn't change a thing!
We've all been there, Becca! love you!
This is the exact conversation I had with Nick Thursday morning. Thanks for making me feel normal!!!
had one of those days yesterday. chase kept patting my head while i cried and asking "what's the matter?" it helped that he had amy's sunglasses on upside down while doing it. i actually thought, "i want to go see becca." i knew you would understand. it's good to get in a good cry and vent.
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