Slacking

This poor blog has been highly neglected over the past few months.  The main reason...I've lacked energy, motivation, and time.  I don't know how much of it is to be blamed on the pregnancy (although I'm sure it doesn't help) or simply the fact that I generally feel OVER WHELMED most of the time.  I know I am not alone with this.  It seems like so many friends that I talk to lately feel the same way.  Is it because we are approaching the holiday season...which in general always feels a little chaotic, or is it the fact that 4 out of my 7 days a week were some how tied around soccer, or just this stage of life.  I feel like this is the busiest/stressed I have ever been, granted there is a lot going on.

Ben is in his FINAL year of residency and is actively looking for jobs.  He'll be traveling some more this month to interviews.  Many of our conversations revolve around....what if we move here, what if we move there, what if NO ONE hires me...and all sorts of fun mind games.  I'm already mentally and emotionally feeling drained by it.  But it is kind of a BIG DEAL.  But it's hard to plan your future on a  bunch of potentials and what if's.  I'm grateful to finally be at the end of a very long tunnel.  I can see a light....I just don't where it is or when we will figure it all out!

For some reason I thought that having 2 kids in school full day would make things easier and that I would be able to get so much more done with my time.  WRONG. I guess I sabotaged myself when I decided to teach a preschool 2 days a week and continue participating in a co-op that we did last year.  Again both things are great.  I was desperately trying to find a way I could contribute to our family finances that wouldn't impact my time away from the kids or stress out Ben.  This preschool opportunity was truly a blessing.  I am just amazed at how much prep time is required, and how drained I am at the end of those days.  And once the kids come home from school....it's just one giant blur until bedtime.

Soccer season has finally ended.  I feel slightly guilty but I was literally giddy with anticipation for it to be over.  I may not be cut out to be a soccer mom despite my mini van status.  Isaac had practice Monday nights.  Natali had practice Tuesday and Thursday nights.  Games for both kids were usually spread out each Saturday.  Isaac loved it!  Natali struggled....and listening to her coach yell from the sidelines just about gave me a panic attack.  Natali would rather cheer her team mates on then be the one to chase down the ball.  She loved the "team" aspect, but in the end she concluded that maybe dance was more her thing.  I love the fact that my evenings are back and I feel like I can breath a little easier instead of flying through homework to make sure dinner was started so everyone could eat and change clothes and make it to practice on time!

In the end I find a relish and look forward to the days were I can just stay home and clean and play catch up in my home.  I'm sure like most I constantly feel inadequate with quit literally every thing that I am doing.  I feel like this is such a busy season of my life.  I have to keep reminding myself to try and relax...take it a day at a time....and enjoy it.  Ben is good at trying to help me refocus and prioritize.  Reading a book to my kids is more important that finishing up that pile of laundry, etc.

I have so much more & pictures to catch up on.  Someday....someday.  Life is busy, but good.  At the end of my days I have much to be grateful for even if all I feel like doing is having a good cry.  I do haev to say that I LOVE having my one on one time with this little man.  He is so sweet and mild (most of the time).  He melts my heart.

Even Iron Man needs a quick power nap!